Entry #4
I’m not sure why, but I’m rarely able to get my journal finished on time. Every day I do a regular written journal page or 3 and I refuse to miss a day. Just like the journal, my videos are behind schedule. I haven’t been able to post a regular video to the Rising Valor channel in weeks. And I hate it.
I would love to make a video. There’s actually tons of footage sitting on a hard drive sitting on my desk, ready to be made into a film. The problem is CapCut. The editing software I use has decided that I can no longer use the “Premium” features. Even though I pay a monthly fee to be able to use all the features I want, CapCut says no. I have gone back and forth with their customer service for weeks now without gaining any ground. It’s like talking to a wall. Every email they say the same thing
“Did you try logging out and logging back in?”
Yes I tried doing that. The frustrating thing is that my account actually recognizes me as a pro member and still doesn’t allow me to use it. On top of trying to get my account fixed, my computer has also taken an unexpected turn for the worst. I fear the end is near for my 10 year old laptop. Unable to open files, type, or run without crashing, the laptop has taken it’s last few breaths. A new computer gets here this week.
MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE:
Not to blow my own horn, but my therapist said I’m one of the most open, and vulnerable clients they’ve had. Honestly that made me feel really good because I have always been very open with those around me about the way I’m feeling about anything. Difficult topics like mental health do not deter me from telling you about my thoughts. Never have I voiced those opinions online before.. but it’s much the same. That might be why I like using the typewriter for my Weekly Journal is because it’s not like I’m talking to the hundreds of people that read my blog (lol) it’s more like I’m talking to my everyday journal pages.
Sharing the way I’ve been feeling has been such an interesting experience. While this isn’t something I would hide from anyone who asked, the state my mental wellbeing is known to anyone in public. Not just close friends see me, everyone does. And that thought is both scary, and something else. It feels good. It feels like the right thing. Everyone you meet is dealing with something. The cashier, banker, and construction worker are all having a hard time with something. All the people in traffic on the way home are struggling with burnout, withdrawal, or something else that they may not have told anyone about. The fact that most people are hurting about something they haven’t even told their spouse about feels wrong. Why isn’t mental health talked about? Even though the most popular greeting that we all hear every day is “how are you doing?” we still don’t tell anyone how we’re doing. I want to change that.
Since I’ve started being more open about such a sensitive subject, I have heard similar stories from more than a few folks. I’ve been able to talk a couple people into therapy. One guy even lets me know every time he has a session. There have been strangers open up to me about something that has bothered them for years and never spoken about. There was a lady who needed help at her house who admitted her son passed away a couple years ago, and she hasn’t found the energy to get out of bed since. There was a woman with custody of her niece and nephew because their mom wouldn’t stay clean. She took care of the kids to do the right thing, but also because she felt like she had to because they had nowhere to go if it weren’t for her. She put her career on hold, opened up her house and dropped everything to take care of two kids she had not asked for, and it turns out, she was feeling stressed about the situation.
Obviously she wants the best for the kids, but wants her life back. Now she’s struggling with
This journal is being interrupted by Jesse. She would like to say:
I just wanted to say how proud of you I am. You have come so far on this journey and it surely shows! I will always be your number one supporter and knew that you can do anything you set your mind too. I will never let Nora forget how strong, dedicated, and passionate her dad is insert heart emoji
ILOVEYOU
--end Jesse’s entry........ here.... ;)
Okay wow that was so sweet! Jess is an amazing woman. She has always been so supportive of me and is always standing in my corner. I don’t talk about her often enough. I couldn’t do any of this without her. Thank you for everything that you do, Sweet Jess. I love you. That was actually her first time using the typewriter haha it’s a little hard to do and kind of intimidating when you first sit down in front of it. Good on ya for giving it a try, Jess!
Anyways.. I don’t remember what I was getting on about, but overall I feel that it’s important to talk about your mental health with someone. Keeping things bottled up without dealing with complicated emotions is never a good idea. You will end up carrying that bottle around, you may even forget about it. But what’s inside will continue to weigh you down until it’s released.
If I could encourage you to do anything, it would be to be very honest with yourself. Take notice where you’re being weighed down, and release it. Talk to a trusted friend about whatever your thing is and open the lid to that bottle. Heck you can even tell it to me. Several people have come to me with their feelings and I honestly love that they think of me as a trusted person. I love that. I would be honored to be the person you come to when you need a person to listen to you. But what I want even more is to inspire change, and see more people opening up to each other. How many friends do you have that only know you on the surface level? Probably a few. Mental health is not something that anyone needs to be ashamed of. Feeling down is more common than you think.
This has been the weekly journal. Thanks for reading. I love you.